to my second little star...

To My Precious Daughter Aynslee,

As I sit at the computer to compose your first birthday letter, for once, I can't seem to find the words. Today you turn ONE. ONE! We made it to one! I am so thankful. 

Aynslee, your smile just melts my heart. Your energy level astounds me. Your number one goal in life is to be outside (or so it seems). Nothing detracts you from your goal. Try re-directing you...it doesn't happen around here! I hope this characteristic serves you well in life. I'm sure it will.

Even though I lost your sister in a very tragic and painful way, and have learned to value human life and motherhood more than I thought possible, I still have moments where I have to take a deep breath as you throw a toddler tantrum from me taking your wash cloths away. (Yes, that is plural...you MUST have 2 wash cloths every night in the bath tub, and then I have one I wash you with.) Word of advice to any future baby sitter, never, I say, NEVER take her wash cloth away while in the tub. You MUST wait until all the water drains out, and you MUST ritualistically say "bye bye" to them as you hang them up to dry. Otherwise, you will have a Bright tantrum on your hands. :) 

 Hopefully you won't just survive my imperfect mothering, you will thrive and live to tell the tale. And let me tell you, your cuteness defies all description. I'm not just talking about your thick, soft, head of wavy (where did the curls come from, I will never know) hair that everyone envies, but I'm talking about your entire being. Your smile, your spirit, your wit, your personality, your lovableness, your perception and smarts. It is as if your whole reason for being is simply to BE LOVED. You were made for love. To give and receive it. And that is precisely what you have done for me.

You have saved me.

You have saved me from myself. You have saved me from despair and hopelessness. You have shown me how to live again. I am amazed at how often I think about your birth day. I will never and can never forget your angelic face and perfect little body lying in my arms in the hospital bed. It was a Tuesday and your daddy and I can't describe it as anything but a  "coming up for air". See, we lost your sister a month before, and we were drowning in sorrow. You came, and saved us. I stared and stared until I thought my heart would explode. To experience both sides of the veil, both sides of the human experience, so close together was astounding. The death of your sister, and the birth of you...All in a month's time.  It was more than my heart could bear. A crater was created when Ava  left, and you  have helped to fill it my dear. Even when you pull my hair and slap my face, I still thank the heavens above for giving me a second star. My little sunshine! 

I may not be rich or famous or amount to much in this life, but I have two brilliant stars embedded in my heart that make me shine brighter and prouder than any other. You will grow up as the oldest living child, and others may see you as my first star, but you are my second, and you make our family twinkle and have helped guide us back to the path we are still trying to find. I am forever indebted to you, sweet girl. 

I hope today is a magical day for you. I hope the cookies, and your cupcakes all turn out OK....and your little party is a success.

I love you forever and ever, my little sunshine...you bring so much light and joy to our very cloudy days! 


With All My Love, 
Mommy


Things you enjoy:
-water (splashing in the water)
-bubbles
-reading Books 
-being outside
-doggies (especially Chico) 
-singing "Itsy, Bitsy, Spider"  or "If your Happy and You Know It" and doing the hand motions as well 
-nursing (still...you love it)
-pushing your little stroller around the house; or pushing anything for that matter! 
-walking like frankenstein (with your hands straight out in front of you...hilarious). You walked 3 days before your first birthday. congrats to you my dear! 
-you can sign "more" and sometimes, when prompted "eat" 
-swinging on the swingset 
-riding in your push car 
-standing in Ava's chair 
-being in Ava's room and playing with ALL of her toys 
-banging things to make noise 
-pointing out your body parts. You know "belly", "nose", and "eye"

Words you say:
-Bye Bye 

-Dada
-Mama
-dodo (Chico) 
-titi (we all know what that means, LOL)