my sunshine (really)

Well, oftentimes it's hard for me to parent Aynslee the same as I did Ava. Sometimes, I think I feel as though Aynslee is my "replacement child" (Ava will NEVER be replaced...there is NO replacement for her). I don't mean to feel this way, I just do. I have to catch myself from calling them the same nicknames. I am accustomed to parenting one child (Ava)....then she got taken from me, and 5 weeks later I had another child....what's a mama supposed to do? 

I called Ava *angel* all of the time. To be more specific, *precious angel*. She woke up in the morning, "Good morning precious angel"....while I was in the shower, "come here and let me kiss you, mama's precious angel". The week after her surgery, I grabbed her cheeks as I was marveling at her one morning, and said, "oh how I love you my precious angel". She looked up at me with those big blue eyes and said, "precious angel?". YES, Ava, you are mama's precious angel! So, I feel bad when I slip and say that to Aynslee. I have been thinking that I need a nickname for her...something that fits...something more than Ayns (I call her this often...as much as I called Ava, Ava Shaye). So I decided Aynslee is my "sunshine". "She IS my sunshine, (my only sunshine), she makes me happy when sky's are gray (all the time)". 

So, while Aynslee will never be a replacement, she will never be my angel, but I am perfectly happy calling her my sunshine. She brings me happiness when nothing else does. She makes me smile when I think I can't. So Ava, you are mama's *precious angel* and Aynslee, you are mama's *sunshine*. So (God), please don't take my sunshine away.